Being a Crybaby

I could tell you all a fabulous rendition of what happened today (and it's only 2:23pm CST!) but I think it would be easier on my lazy-ass self and perhaps a bit enjoyable on your part if I simply copy and paste the email I sent to my parents whining like a small child.

First, you may need a mini glossary:

Butterhorn- a cookie often compared to rugelach that my mom is famous for baking.  The recipe can be found in The All New Portal to Good Cooking, 1972 edition.  I am attempting to make a dairy-free version of this recipe.

Bill and Bailey- My family's two spoiled dachshunds.  If we leave the garbage can in the kitchen on the floor when we leave, Bill knocks it over and they feast on grossness.  Eww.

Dingo- Not to be confused with the canine from down under, this is a brand of dog treat.  The original (the brand has now created a whole line of treats) is a knotted bone with meaty, jerky stuff wrapped inside.  Bill and Bailey LOVE them and steal them from each other and hide them from each other and LOVE them.

Dominick's- The local grocery store chain.

Trader Joe's- an awesome grocery store chain found nationwide that carries amazing stuff



Okay then, here's the email...

Mommy and Daddy,

This is my five minutes of being a complaining five year old.

I slipped out of the house soooo easily today after giving Bill and Bailey the pre-used dingos on the kitchen counter.  I drove to Dominick's to buy some stuff we need for butterhorns and the spiced tea recipe Mom and I want to try (as well as band-aids and foot spray...)  Well, everything was fine until I got to the stick margarine.  It turns out that Dominick's only carries butter and partial vegetable oil spread in stick form.  There are no purely vegetable-based options.  That means the stick stuff we've been using has DAIRY in it.  UGH.  I took two boxes for you guys to use but was full of the irritables at the fact that only tub stuff was vegan--and not recommended for baking.  

But I figured nothing I was buying would rot/spoil/curdle/or do the like in the 5 minutes it would take me to park, run into Trader Joe's, buy some vegan sticks, and get back in the car.  

I was nearly hit by 2 different cars in the same aisle of that darned parking lot!  AHHHH!!!!!  It's a Wednesday afternoon, why aren't people at work???  

So I went into the store all shaking with adrenaline and frustration.  I get to the buttery section and it's all PURE BUTTER!  Of all places, Trader Joe's only has pure butter???  What????  So I start looking at the tubs and see that some of it is vegetable junk.  There was a vegan brand.  I looked it over and on the uses suggested it said baking.  So I bought it.  I know it goes against the don't-use-tubbed-butter-or-margarine-for-baking, but it says it right on the tub!  And the cashier complimented my ring.  So I felt a little better.

Until I tried carrying the two paper bags I requested at Dominick's at the same time to the garage door (because my opener still doesn't work on Mom's side I had to open it with the key pad).  One of the bags broke.  I finally got inside to woofs and squeaks (Bailey was hiding with a dingo under the blanket she was under when I gave her the dingo upon leaving) and was so happy for it until....GARBAGE!  I was so proud of myself for my get away that I forgot to put the damned thing up.  UUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH.  There wasn't much inside and I think a fruit fly died being sucked into the dust buster, but I think I might need a tranquilizer now or something.  Maybe that entire chocolate bar from the freezer.  

*sigh*

I hope you guys are doing much much better.

xoxo

Me